Post by The Lunar Crew on Oct 16, 2019 21:25:07 GMT -7
**Possible Trigger Warning, discusses suicidal and self harm thoughts/urges and coping mechanisms for them**
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We have struggled with suicidal and self harm thoughts and urges for many years. We have attempted suicide a few times, and we used to cut. (It's been about 4 years since we last self-harmed). Now, we are what we like to call "safely suicidal". We'll think about suicide, we'll feel suicidal, but we won't ever act on it. We'll think about ways to do it and plans, but we won't ever act on any part of said plan or way to go about it.
Over the years, we have come up with several different ways to help us cope with our suicidal and self harming thoughts/urges. Not all of them are "perfectly healthy", but they are healthier than the alternative, and sometimes, that's all one can ask for. Sometimes, we stay alive for "small" reasons, like wanting to see the next full moon; wanting to see the next season of our favorite show; when we had a dog, we lived for them; wanting to eat our favorite comfort food one more time; wanting to create ideas we have for our artwork; and other such things. Right now, we live for our fiance. There is no shame in living for "small" reasons, for pets, for other people. Find a reason, any reason, to continue into that next day, and hang onto it. One day, you may not need that reason anymore; one day, you may be able to live for yourself and have that be enough. That is our goal. One day, we hope to live for ourselves instead of hanging onto other reasons.
Until then, here's our coping mechanisms for dealing with our suicidal and self harming thoughts/urges in case they may be helpful to anyone else:
-- We try to focus on the here and now, what's actually happening, and remind ourselves all the time that any negative memories or flashbacks are in the past and not happening right now. Self-talk can help a lot. Consistent and constant reminders of what's in the past, what's happening now, the fact that you're ok, the fact that you're safe, self-encouragement (like telling yourself you can do this, you got this, etc), all that type of stuff can help you make it through the day.
Self-talk can also help distract you from any negative thoughts or emotions your brain is trying to focus on, and forcing the focus onto facts of the present can help distract you from self harming thoughts and urges. We remind ourselves of our name, (our alter name for whoever's out; we dislike our legal name), our age, (they body's age or our alter's age), where we are at currently, where we live, we list what we're wearing, we go through anything to help ground us in the present and distract us from the dark thoughts our mind is trying to get lost in.
-- Each day, we try to make a list of positive stuff to remember or to look forward to. Like, maybe a list of 5 things. Stuff like "Today's sunny, that's kinda nice", or "Today I get to watch a movie I like", or "Today I get to eat my favorite food", stuff like that. It can even be something about someone else, like "Today someone said I was good at something", or "Today someone, (another alter maybe), has succeeded at this and that was cool".
Or it can be something about the day itself, like the weather. Just a small list of things to remind ourselves that there are positives about the day even though they can be difficult to find sometimes.
And then we try to carry it with us so we can look at it when we're feeling down and remind ourselves of the positive stuff. We also try to make a list of things we like about ourselves (or that people have liked about us/positive stuff they've said about us, even if we don't agree or believe it), or including them in the list of other positive stuff.
-- Smoking marijuana helps us a lot; it helps us to just let go and be able to shift our focus to a positive distraction, like a good movie or working on artwork, (but we know it's not for everyone and/or not possible for everyone, that is fine, it's just something that helps us).
-- Listening to music that we identify with/that matches our emotions/thoughts helps us to express our negative thoughts and emotions.
-- Singing/screaming/yelling along with music we identify with helps us to express our negative thoughts and emotions. (We have to do it into a pillow to not disrupt neighbors, but it still helps).
-- Lip-syncing/whisper-singing/whisper-screaming along with music we identify with helps express our negative thoughts and emotions quietly, (and is surprisingly effective).
-- We write/type what we're feeling, thinking, what we wish we could do, etc.; sometimes, it helps just to "say" it and get it out of your system.
-- We draw what we wish we could do, (self-harm stuff, suicide stuff, etc).
-- We draw stuff that expresses our emotions (designs, pictures, scribbles, doodles, anything that we think expresses what we're feeling).
-- Drawing "cuts" on our arms in washable marker helps us to not actually self-harm.
-- Wearing a rubber band around our wrist and snapping it helps relieve anxiety and helps us to not actually self-harm, (and is surprisingly effective, but be careful with this - do not snap the rubber band so hard or so much that you end up harming yourself anyway via bruising).
-- We'll write out a suicide note (but not actually commit suicide. Don't do this if you think it'll make your desire to worse. For us, it helps to put it in perspective, because we make ourselves say personal goodbyes to everyone the body knows, and so we end up realizing how many people we'd effect. Realizing the fact that'd we'd negatively effect anyone helps us to not want to commit suicide).
-- Smoking cigarettes helps calm us down and forces us to go outside and get some fresh air, which can be helpful with grounding and calming one's self, (not recommended if you don't already smoke!).
-- Watching a dark movie with a good ending helps us as we identify with the dark parts, and then the good ending reminds us that good endings are possible. (Don't do this if you think it'll make your mood worse, though).
-- Reminding ourselves of our promise to ourselves to not commit suicide and reminding ourselves of the consequences of that (such as affecting every other alter in our system, as we don't want to harm all of us), helps to put things in perspective for us sometimes.
-- (Positive) Distraction tactics help us:
-Listening to positive music (not necessarily happy or upbeat, but music about not giving up and stuff);
-Listening to happy music;
-Listening to calming/relaxing music;
-Watching a funny movie or comedy stuff;
-Forcing ourselves to do something like going for a walk or hanging out with friends of the body that we don't mind (sometimes just getting outside can help);
-"Deciding" that we're not going to be down- Like, deciding to have a fun movie night with our favorite dinner and dessert, or deciding to sing along with happy music, stuff like that;
-"Spoiling" ourselves- like, by eating comfort foods (not too much), or using extra cash to buy something we want (like a new but cheap hoodie), stuff like that;
-Doing something we enjoy and can super-focus on, like drawing tattoo designs, or writing out story/book ideas we have, or reading comic books like Calvin and Hobbes, stuff like that.
-- Calling crisis hotlines, or a friend of the body that we trust and know will talk to us/help, (even just texting them can help- being heard and listened to, even though text, can help a lot).
-- "Scratching" ourselves with a CLEAN safety pin instead of cutting ourselves, (this is a last-ditch effort, used for emergencies only when nothing else helps/works).
We try to remember to just take one day at a time. Eventually with time, the days will get easier, and better, even when it seems like that would never happen. No storm lasts forever, you just have to hold on long enough to see the sun break through the clouds again.
We have a saying that we tell ourselves, it's our own quote: "Life is like a painting canvas. Whether it's clean, stained, or already has something painted on it, there's nothing you can't paint over with your own choices. Nothing can stop you from turning the canvas given to you into your own work of art."
~ Kaleidoscope ~
.
.
.
.
.
We have struggled with suicidal and self harm thoughts and urges for many years. We have attempted suicide a few times, and we used to cut. (It's been about 4 years since we last self-harmed). Now, we are what we like to call "safely suicidal". We'll think about suicide, we'll feel suicidal, but we won't ever act on it. We'll think about ways to do it and plans, but we won't ever act on any part of said plan or way to go about it.
Over the years, we have come up with several different ways to help us cope with our suicidal and self harming thoughts/urges. Not all of them are "perfectly healthy", but they are healthier than the alternative, and sometimes, that's all one can ask for. Sometimes, we stay alive for "small" reasons, like wanting to see the next full moon; wanting to see the next season of our favorite show; when we had a dog, we lived for them; wanting to eat our favorite comfort food one more time; wanting to create ideas we have for our artwork; and other such things. Right now, we live for our fiance. There is no shame in living for "small" reasons, for pets, for other people. Find a reason, any reason, to continue into that next day, and hang onto it. One day, you may not need that reason anymore; one day, you may be able to live for yourself and have that be enough. That is our goal. One day, we hope to live for ourselves instead of hanging onto other reasons.
Until then, here's our coping mechanisms for dealing with our suicidal and self harming thoughts/urges in case they may be helpful to anyone else:
-- We try to focus on the here and now, what's actually happening, and remind ourselves all the time that any negative memories or flashbacks are in the past and not happening right now. Self-talk can help a lot. Consistent and constant reminders of what's in the past, what's happening now, the fact that you're ok, the fact that you're safe, self-encouragement (like telling yourself you can do this, you got this, etc), all that type of stuff can help you make it through the day.
Self-talk can also help distract you from any negative thoughts or emotions your brain is trying to focus on, and forcing the focus onto facts of the present can help distract you from self harming thoughts and urges. We remind ourselves of our name, (our alter name for whoever's out; we dislike our legal name), our age, (they body's age or our alter's age), where we are at currently, where we live, we list what we're wearing, we go through anything to help ground us in the present and distract us from the dark thoughts our mind is trying to get lost in.
-- Each day, we try to make a list of positive stuff to remember or to look forward to. Like, maybe a list of 5 things. Stuff like "Today's sunny, that's kinda nice", or "Today I get to watch a movie I like", or "Today I get to eat my favorite food", stuff like that. It can even be something about someone else, like "Today someone said I was good at something", or "Today someone, (another alter maybe), has succeeded at this and that was cool".
Or it can be something about the day itself, like the weather. Just a small list of things to remind ourselves that there are positives about the day even though they can be difficult to find sometimes.
And then we try to carry it with us so we can look at it when we're feeling down and remind ourselves of the positive stuff. We also try to make a list of things we like about ourselves (or that people have liked about us/positive stuff they've said about us, even if we don't agree or believe it), or including them in the list of other positive stuff.
-- Smoking marijuana helps us a lot; it helps us to just let go and be able to shift our focus to a positive distraction, like a good movie or working on artwork, (but we know it's not for everyone and/or not possible for everyone, that is fine, it's just something that helps us).
-- Listening to music that we identify with/that matches our emotions/thoughts helps us to express our negative thoughts and emotions.
-- Singing/screaming/yelling along with music we identify with helps us to express our negative thoughts and emotions. (We have to do it into a pillow to not disrupt neighbors, but it still helps).
-- Lip-syncing/whisper-singing/whisper-screaming along with music we identify with helps express our negative thoughts and emotions quietly, (and is surprisingly effective).
-- We write/type what we're feeling, thinking, what we wish we could do, etc.; sometimes, it helps just to "say" it and get it out of your system.
-- We draw what we wish we could do, (self-harm stuff, suicide stuff, etc).
-- We draw stuff that expresses our emotions (designs, pictures, scribbles, doodles, anything that we think expresses what we're feeling).
-- Drawing "cuts" on our arms in washable marker helps us to not actually self-harm.
-- Wearing a rubber band around our wrist and snapping it helps relieve anxiety and helps us to not actually self-harm, (and is surprisingly effective, but be careful with this - do not snap the rubber band so hard or so much that you end up harming yourself anyway via bruising).
-- We'll write out a suicide note (but not actually commit suicide. Don't do this if you think it'll make your desire to worse. For us, it helps to put it in perspective, because we make ourselves say personal goodbyes to everyone the body knows, and so we end up realizing how many people we'd effect. Realizing the fact that'd we'd negatively effect anyone helps us to not want to commit suicide).
-- Smoking cigarettes helps calm us down and forces us to go outside and get some fresh air, which can be helpful with grounding and calming one's self, (not recommended if you don't already smoke!).
-- Watching a dark movie with a good ending helps us as we identify with the dark parts, and then the good ending reminds us that good endings are possible. (Don't do this if you think it'll make your mood worse, though).
-- Reminding ourselves of our promise to ourselves to not commit suicide and reminding ourselves of the consequences of that (such as affecting every other alter in our system, as we don't want to harm all of us), helps to put things in perspective for us sometimes.
-- (Positive) Distraction tactics help us:
-Listening to positive music (not necessarily happy or upbeat, but music about not giving up and stuff);
-Listening to happy music;
-Listening to calming/relaxing music;
-Watching a funny movie or comedy stuff;
-Forcing ourselves to do something like going for a walk or hanging out with friends of the body that we don't mind (sometimes just getting outside can help);
-"Deciding" that we're not going to be down- Like, deciding to have a fun movie night with our favorite dinner and dessert, or deciding to sing along with happy music, stuff like that;
-"Spoiling" ourselves- like, by eating comfort foods (not too much), or using extra cash to buy something we want (like a new but cheap hoodie), stuff like that;
-Doing something we enjoy and can super-focus on, like drawing tattoo designs, or writing out story/book ideas we have, or reading comic books like Calvin and Hobbes, stuff like that.
-- Calling crisis hotlines, or a friend of the body that we trust and know will talk to us/help, (even just texting them can help- being heard and listened to, even though text, can help a lot).
-- "Scratching" ourselves with a CLEAN safety pin instead of cutting ourselves, (this is a last-ditch effort, used for emergencies only when nothing else helps/works).
We try to remember to just take one day at a time. Eventually with time, the days will get easier, and better, even when it seems like that would never happen. No storm lasts forever, you just have to hold on long enough to see the sun break through the clouds again.
We have a saying that we tell ourselves, it's our own quote: "Life is like a painting canvas. Whether it's clean, stained, or already has something painted on it, there's nothing you can't paint over with your own choices. Nothing can stop you from turning the canvas given to you into your own work of art."
~ Kaleidoscope ~
~Kaleidoscope~
-casey